SBARN: A Thought Experiment
Because I like ponies, I like Homestuck, and more than either of those, I like combining things.
Presented in order of Incipisphere entry:
Twilight Sparkle
Title: Mage of Mind
Planet: Land of Tomes and Branches
Consorts: Chameleons
Dream Planet: Prospit
Dreamself Status: Awake, but not aware of it.
PalPrattle® Prattlenym: mysticLibrarian
Fetch Modus: Encyclopedia. Similar to Recipe, in that it’s an array presented as a book. Easy to find items as long as you remember how they’re sorted.
Strife Portfolio: A high level wizard has no use for any particular specibus allocation.
First Prototyping: Star Swirl costume, before entry
Second Prototyping: Owloysius, accidentally, after entry
Entry Object: Mortarboard (throw it)
Rarity
Title: Witch of Light
Planet: Land of Caves and Treasure
Consorts: Newts
Dream Planet: Derse
Dreamself Status: Sleepwalking
Prattlenym: perfectLustre
Fetch Modus: Wardrobe. Every item is separated into the component articles of an outfit. The outfit must be coordinated and worn to retrieve the item. The larger the item, the more elaborate the outfit.
Strife Portfolio: needleKind, sewnmchnKind, makeupKind
First Prototyping: A dress specifically crafted to make the imps somewhat more pleasing to the eye, before entry.
Second Prototyping: Opalescence, accidentally, before entry.
Entry Object: Needle (thread it)
Pinkie Pie
Title: Bard of Time
Planet: Land of Mirth and Melody
Consorts: Geckos
Dream Planet: Derse
Dreamself Status: Awake. Operates both selves simultaneously.
Prattlenym: laughinglyMischievous
Fetch Modus: Karaoke. To retrieve an item, you have to mention it in a song you sing into the CAPTCHALOGUE FETCHROPHONE.
Strife Portfolio: pastryKind, 1pnybandKind, musical#Kind, bladeKind, 4thwallKind
First Prototyping: Herself, via time shenanigans, before entry.
Second Prototyping: Herself, via more time shenanigans, after entry.
Entry Object: Pan of cake batter (bake it)
Applejack
Title:Heir of Life
Planet: Land of Sand and Orchards
Consorts: Iguanas
Dream Planet: Prospit
Dreamself Status: Asleep
Prattlenym: pomaceousMistress
Fetch Modus: Applestack. Identical to Stack, save that apples and apple products can be retrieved no matter where they are in the sylladex.
Strife Portfolio: hoofKind, fruitKind, pastryKind, ropeKind
First Prototyping: Smarty Pants, before entry.
Second Prototyping: Apple Bloom, by her own intiative, after entry.
Entry Object: Seed (plant it)
Rainbow Dash
Title: Knight of Breath
Planet: Land of Rays and Clouds
Consorts: Turtles Tortoises
Dream Planet: Derse
Dreamself Status: Asleep
Prattlenym: majesticPinions
Fetch Modus: Awesome. Each captchalogued item is tied to a specific trick. Perform the trick to retrieve the item.
Strife Portfolio: hoofKind, wingKind, sonicbümKind
First Prototyping: Wonderbolts poster, before entry.
Second Prototyping: Daring Do novel, before entry.
Entry Object: Whistle (blow it)
Fluttershy
Title: Maid of Space
Planet: Land of Stone and Frogs
Consorts: Axolotls
Dream Planet: Prospit
Dreamself Status: Awake
Prattlenym: lovingPacifist
Fetch Modus: Menagerie. She couldn’t possibly pick one modus over the others. Every time an item is fetched, the modus changes behavior.
Strife Portfolio: gazeKind, dovahKind, bunnyKind
First Prototyping: Angel Bunny, by his own initiative, before entry.
Second Prototyping: Grey’s Anatomy, after entry.
Entry Object: Plush phoenix (burn it)
Some additional notes:
- Gates are encased in impenetrable, frictionless, and transparent spheres. Once a house is built up above a certain threshold, the sphere is removed. No cheating with flight, teleportation, or antics.
- Carapaces are still humanoid.
- God Tier ponies become alicorns, though their physical dimensions remain unchanged. The aspect symbol of the godhood appears on each flanks.
- The only survivor of the previous session’s battle with the Black King was Discord. His powers stem from his status as a God Tier Mage of Light, allowing him to manipulate quantum probability to do just about anything.
- The First Guardian of Equestria is Faustpony. She was prototyped with Celestia, an incestuous double reacharound that happens in many more universe than species with a taboo against that kind of thing like to admit.
- GCAT:PONY. The sequence was written by Luna during her descent into Nightmare.
- The alicorn sisters and Elements of Harmony were created by Faust when predestiny required a degree of order made impossible by Discord’s free reign.
- The castle in the Everfree Forest contained the Frog Temple.
- The game has trouble parsing Pinkie. Small inconsistencies are present throughout Equestria’s timeline, increasing in frequency soon before the session begins. Metapiesprite is especially problematic, often glitching Underlings to death.
